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| that was much better, comments make me happy...although i really don't have time to update, i shall anyway...
let's see, i'm not sure what i've posted about and what i haven't since i no longer do this thang by any regular date...rachel is gone to governor's school!!! where she promptly lost her purse, but no worries, it was recovered! also, her cell phone doesn't work there, which is quite amusing...i dare say i miss her a tad bit...
ummm umm umm. well i really don't remember everything that's happened lately. oh, we had a pantsoff-danceoff marathon last sat until *ahem* very late!!! it was amazing!!!!!! dirty martini's "square footage" as tim put it, and the midget, and pony head, and steve...each are so special in my heart...
oh, cassie and i had a journey to marble slab with callie, then proceeded to design a shirt in the walmart gas station, very sexy.
lasertagging with jill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn't forget that!!! it was amazing!!!! first we ate at sbarro and tim bought a tropical fruit flavored condom with various donations!!! then we lasertagged like pros...."operation gang rape!!!! charge!!!" pretty sure my first name was ice tea? and that question mark is purposeful. and shannon was bread, jill was pig! and then we were the flabby arm club of america!!!! quite amazing...ironically, since america=cassie, it finished last...
and we went to ren fest!!!! me, liz, cassie, kaylin, rach and tim!!! very fun, albeit hot. and four of us were in the backseat, very safe and legal, no worries. hee hee there was a bullwhip!!!! which made me happy. and various brassieres, which made tim happy. fun fun fun times.
and an orgy at liz's house, almost forgot that, in emma's bed i might add. many amazing pics were taken as evidence.
i think that about covers it. work is crazy as usual, but life is good. i love u all, can't wait to see you over the summer!!!
group movie pic with nacho libre!!!!
johnny depp wants to be raped by us
this was a sad situation...
monty pythonness
grad lunch!
orgies at emily's house!!!
that's enough for now, more later i suppose...
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| umm, updates for the masses...although clearly rachel and shannon are the only appreciative ones!! perhaps i shall make this a private post viewable to them only!!! that would require knowing how to do that though, and i'm far too lazy to look it up...*looks at bottom of post, figures it can't possibly be as simple as clicking "private" bubble*.
let's see...mellow mushroom lunch was amazing, it featured the return of liz!!! i love eating my pizza in 2.3 seconds, yummmm...
then we had far east lunch, which was more amazing since i had time to actually eat!! the owner of the place loves us by now, and apparently after i left he showed everyone the secret sweatshop room that he rents out for parties!  also, many ice cubes died on that sad afternoon...
so my daycare job is crazy!!! it features a 5yr old pimp who handles girls better than 99% of guys my age, a little black boy who grabs boobs whenever he can, the return of "rafiki", and 3826 other kids with various quirks, 4 of which listen well. but it's not bad, and the check each week is totally worth it!!
fri night, we celebrated monty python's greatness!!! sat night was far more amazing however, and contained 3278236 orgies in the span of 3hrs at emily's grad party. good times baby! speaking of parties, earlier that same day we had shannon's grad lunch (sadly, i was unable to attend graduation bcuz of hos taking off at my work for no reason) and i used 32 pats of honey butter, yummm!!!  and then had felicia's grad party, where i consumed vast quantities of desserts!!! but back to emily's party, good times all around indeed, and why do ppl always think i'm drunk when i'm just happy!!!? omg--*memory of tim threatening to use his belt for naughty purposes* and then we went to kate's house from sheer memory, after several wrong courses *agility terminology BAM* and spent an hour taking amazing pics, which shall be posted in due time!!
this was a true update, let me know if you're grateful, bcuz the xanga clock appears to be quickly winding down my friends!! love u all!!!
mellow mushroom with spumoni face
grad party (shannon's, not emily's!)
stabbing the cake
awwww!
the whole gang
this is what happens to strawberry lasagna after i get into it!
donald concentrating on eating the mystifying treat!
after dance comp--dessert fest!
tip tower of terror!
don't ask, don't tell policy
proof that saliva can be exchanged with no romantic involvement...
------ Police Use the Force Against 'Luke Skywalker' -------
ORLANDO, Fla. - A high school gym teacher is out of a job
now after creating an outlandish scene outside of a bar over
the weekend. David McCann stood in front of the bar, shirt
unbuttoned, yelling to passers-by that he was Luke Skywalker.
Officers tried to handcuff and restrain him, but McCann
wildly swung his fists and repeatedly attacked them even
after they struck him with a baton. "He continued to attack
with super human strength and made no attempt to escape,"
according to a police report. Two responding officers had
to strike McCann three times with a Taser and hit him a few
more times with the baton before he was finally subdued.
McCann was arrested and relieved of his duties at the
Orange County School District. | | |
| update!!! try not to die with happiness. let's see, brief reliving of the past few weeks...
spaghetti factory: almost running into a median when the interstate split, trying to find free parking but wasting $23 in gas doing so (and still not succeeding!!  ), immediate seating!!!, delays in getting bread, tim and cassie drawing memorable artwork, spumoni cake, old hairy men, cassie's love of dildos.
jazzfest: volunteering means having to dip your whole arm into a bucket of ice while ppl smirk sadistically, handling $2398349 unsupervised, pocketing tickets, funnel cakes and lemonade, shannon NOT being there (despite what evidence may suggest), rain ending the evening early, hastings visits, talk derby to me baby!
bio party: manicotti!, apical dominance, deuterostomes (shannon happily shouts: ANUS!!!!), food and 2% milk, metabolic water
shannon's graduation partay: STRAWBERRY LASGNANA, cake!!!, shannon's knife-wielding skills, happy times by all!
dance comp: boys that dance with 6ft wingspans, heartbreak=platinum baby!, applebees desserts, lemons!, tip towers, straddling handicapped parking signs, pantsoff-dance off!!!!!!, yo momma!!!
there are far more amazing things that have since happened, i'll post them in my next update!!!
happy group pic!
the masterpieces!
don't ask what quickens cassie's pulse...
the infamous spumoni face!!!!
half the table
my arm looks flabby, thanks tim
debit card pals!!
what's sexier than a 60yr old man with a hairy back and cowboy boots?
cassie, and only cassie, is responsible for this picture...try not to hold it against her
cassie insisted on this picture before she went home, it made her happy
shannon is clearly photoshopped into this jazzfest pic
we are too cute
we love free funnel cakes and lemonade!!
cassie kills many kittens
donald's sexy face
hastings now offers books of kiddie porn!
and bizarre news for mi rachel, whom i love dearly...
----------------- 'Til Death Do Us Part... -----------------
TOKYO, Japan - A Japanese woman took her wedding vows of loy-
alty and faithfulness seriously, so she was devastated when
her husband confessed he had an affair. In retaliation, she
beat him with a frying pan, saying "You said you would die if
you had an affair, so I want you to die as you had promised."
After repeatedly hitting him with the pan, she then finished
the job by stabbing him to death. Yokohama District Court
Judge Hiroshi Yamura acknowledged the affair was wrong, but
disagreed with the woman's actions. He said, "The victim,
though at fault, did not deserve to die. The act was one of
brutality, far exceeding that of a husband-wife fight." He
sentenced the woman to four years in prison.
*that's the way to do it, ladies*
oooh and one more thing....
NICKELBACK BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| ok, this update is solely to protect my future influx of double doozies, as tim eloquently puts it. and to apologize to the world for causing it such pain, according to my dear shannon. and to "move on" --elizabeth. lol.
so i don't plan on elaborate updates anymore, they just take time i'd rather spend on other things. plus my wit and wisdom seem to go unappreciated by the lowly masses at times. hee hee, at any rate, just brief updates and a sharing of the picture love.
happy bday to tim and cassie!!!  and happy cinco de mayo, which we are spending at an italian restaurant in protest, thank you very much lol.
CSI!!!!
the famous humongous banana splits!
look at kaylin's face!
buffalo wild wings night!!
after kaylin's musicalness!
shannon and sparkles enjoying a special moment at cd burning party: the resurrection
this is called an exciting friday night
after being thrown out by rach (the pheremones are working on lola!)
mine and rach's movie night!!!!!
prom bfast (shannon killed cassie!)
this was the mood of the morning
cassie is feeling refreshed
death of a muffin....
and the dogs of death!!!!
and for rachel:
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Last week a reader sent me some links about a bizarre martial
arts master who practices a style known as Jiu Jiu Shen Gong
or "Iron Crotch" in English. To give you an idea of what
"Iron Crotch" involves, some of Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng's
most famous stunts include lifting incredible weights and
even towing trucks....with his genitals.
When a man can tow a truck with his genitals, it's not
surprising that he's called Iron Penis. This isn't a joke,
folks. We even did a story in BN a couple years ago about
three martial artists who dragged a truck loaded with 100
passengers across a parking lot in Taipei. They were this
guy's students!
Besides the obvious truck-towing advantages, Iron Crotch
can dramatically enhance your potency and help with sexual
response dysfunction or lack of interest in sex.
I know everybody's thinking, sounds good! Where do I sign
up? But hold on just a second. Before you start checking
your Suburban for where you can attach the chain, consider
this. Iron Crotch uses a variety of special exercises,
including massage, slapping, pulling and hitting it with a
tool. There are special breathing exercises and a cloth is
used to bind the penis in special ways. I don't care what
I could eventually tow, I am not going to tie my penis up
with a cloth and start hitting it with a tool.
But apparently the practice is growing. And women can
practice Iron Crotch too. Female students train by in-
serting a special ping pong-like ball in their vagina.
This ball is attached to a rod, and then hung with heavy
weights just like with a man's penis.
this was the entry to bizarre news, it amused me greatly!
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| this update is dedicated to my timmy-poo, without him i would perhaps not have had the best night of my life!!!!! in an indirect sort of way, but i'll elaborate on that in a min.
ok, kate and elizabeth came home this weekend, it was marvelous!!!  we pulled through with our (ok shannon's) marvelous plan, and before going over to Liz's, me, tim, kaylin, and kate put on fishnet stockings!!!! and surprised liz near the end of the movie by revealing them!!!! ah, it was priceless!!!!  sheer beauty!!! and rocky horror was wonderful as always lol. afterwards we engaged in an interesting game of...well i can't remember the name now lol. either way, it was fun.
now onto, saturday, and the best 24 hrs possible. me and tim went to the lifehouse concert, we arrived about 7:45pm. I found a free parking spot, it was parallel parking though and on a hill that was as steep as idk steep as verticalness!!! but we survived, and went to city hall, which is a tiny little venue, maybe fits 500 ppl tops. and pretty sure we were in the FRIGGIN FRONT ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  so we waited forever, and this pretty bad opening act performed. then it was another hour till lifehouse finally came on...but oh baby was it worth it!!! jason (the lead singer) is so hot!!!! and we were friggin right there!!!! like we could touch them (and i did but that's later!) and so they sang a couple songs, and then he did his little warm up, how's nashville, i love nashville, etc etc...then he was like "does anyone know where franklin is?" and i'm not sure what possessed me at this moment, but i shout out in delirium "i've got a house in franklin, you can come over tonight!" and the crowd had still been rumbling, so he was like "what's that?" and i repeated myself....and he's like "your house? tonight? when, after the show?" and i'm speechless bcuz i'm talking to jason wade so i just nod my head with this big stupid grin plastered on and he smiles and goes "i'll be there! i'm already gonna be hot and sweaty after the show anyway!" and i'm like whoa baby!!! and the crowd is roaring in approval lol, it was amazing!! *sighs in remembrance* i thought tim would die laughing. but anyway, the rest of the show was simply amazing, the music was just to die for. and i took videos and pictures this time, yay!!! but my vids are messed up in the audio, i'm not sure how to fix them! so after the show, the stage crew is cleaning up, and jason had left his water bottle there! so i was like, "give me the water bottle!" and the guy is like, what? do u want a guitar pick? and i'm like, no, the water bottle!!!! so he looked at me strangely and did!!!! ha ha it made me so happy!!! it sits on my shelf right now...needless to say i drank all the water out of it!! ok, so me and tim are sitting outside after the show, and we're like, i wonder where they leave from? so we wander around and BAM!!!! there's the tour bus!!!! so we sit by it and wait for a while...and the band comes out one by one...then finally, the last person, jason comes out!!! and like 30 ppl gravitate towards him immediately...and with my skills, i was 3rd in line!!!! and i have him sign a couple things, and then he takes a pic with me, and i asked him for a hug!!! and he was like, of course i'll hug you!!!!! and i was on an amazing high for the next 24 hrs lol!!!! so then we drove to steak and shake and then to shannon's with the shakes, mind you, it's now 1am!!!! so it's Easter!! so we almost died in a hole in her driveway, but made it there, and hung out and ate our shakes and took pics till 3am!! sooooooooo much fun!!!!!
Easter was great of course, lots of good food, and also yummy candy! and heck yes i hunted Easter eggs!!!
chem lab is over!!! which is sad, yet happiful. me and tim had 2 chem tests on tues each, gross, no?
well this is super long, but the amazingness was worth it...have a great week!!!
rachel's nasty finger!
oh baby our fishnets!
the moment of truth!
oh baby there he is!! and look how close!
ahhhh
look at em go!
hanging by a moment here with you!
with my cherished water bottle!
look at us with jason hee hee!!! and yes, i know my shirt is slutty. 
oh yeah!
poor timmy poo!
2 second flash!
happy, happy!!!! (evidence of steak and shake in the background!)
sadly, bizarre news has not been emailed to me this week (moment of silence) | | |
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